I Can't Because: Excusing Failure

On any given day there are so many scapegoats available to explain why I can’t do what I should and that will let me off the hook. Many can be used more than once. I have favorites.

As I point my finger and place the blame elsewhere I basically excuse myself for every failure, shortcoming and unfinished chore. That means that not only am I freed from taking responsibility, I also don’t have to do what I don’t want to.

Let’s look deeper at this.

One day, while talking with a friend, I tuned into what was going on between my ears and I realized I heard the phrase, “I can’t” quite a few times. Hmmm. Okay, that has my attention. Time to stop and check it out.

What I found was that I had lots of “I can’t because…” excuses for why I wasn’t getting things done, or finishing a project, or even brushing my teeth that morning. This is called, “blame-shifting.”

Blame-shifting is powerful. It excuses me while transferring the accountability and responsibility to something or someone else.

Adam, of course, is the poster child for this technique. He created it right after he committed treason in the garden. “You and that woman you gave me, caused me to disobey You.” According to Adam, if it wasn’t for God and Eve he would have never sinned. Right. Of course, he has been placing the same blame since but that is a different topic for a different post.

We all have learned and adopted Adam’s technique and use it a lot more than we realize.

“I just can’t finish this, do this, feel this because this (person, thing, event, doom scrolling, pet, husband, boss, weather etc). got in the way.” There are so many places we can point the finger and say, “It is not my fault that I can’t.”

We could change this habit if we chose to, which, in turn, would change our life. Of course, that would mean actually following through on what we should do rather than making more excuses.

Make no mistake, telling ourselves that we can’t is a habit. Like most habits, we barely know we are doing it. Once we are aware though we have to be intentional to change a habit that is pretty well ingrained. “I can’t change this habit because…” See, we can even excuse away why we make excuses.

If you are ready to change, I can help you take the right steps out of this.

Here’s how.

1. Listen for the “I can’t because” in your thinking

You might use a slightly different phrase but it will hold the same idea and have the same effect. Once you notice your version of the “I can’t” mentality, you will notice how often it is there. Then you will realize that you too can blame-shift with the best of us.

2. Ask yourself if it is really true that you “can’t.”

Here is how to decide if it is or isn’t true: is there a motivation behind the “I can’t”? You actually don’t want to do something or be responsible for something. So tell yourself that you would do it but….(que finger pointing).

It might be true that you actually can’t for the moment but if you decided to you could find the way to make it happen. Why haven’t you? Your answer just might be another layer of shifting responsibility and accountability.

3. Divorce yourself from Adam

Just because he started the trend does not mean we need to follow in his footsteps. How about we have a new trend - being brutally honest with ourselves about the motivations of our hearts?

When I was talking with Ellen, my closest, holds me accountable, speaks the truth in love friend, I immediately told her that the “I can’t” I had just said to her wasn’t true. Then I told her what was true and why I didn’t want it to be. And that got the ball rolling on my decision to change my bad I can’t habit.

Sorry, Adam.

4. Decide to point the finger back at yourself

No one makes us do anything, think anything or feel anything. We, like Adam, are fully responsible for ourselves. There is no pointing at another and telling ourselves that it is their fault for who we are and what we do or don’t do. Changing starts with being accountable to ourselves for ourselves.

We start by being honest in what we actually think and feel, want and don’t want. If I won’t be honest with me then I definitely won’t be honest with you.

5. Speak the real reason to yourself

“It isn’t that I can’t. It is that I don’t want to. Here’s why.” Now we can get down to the core issues and bring them to the Lord. For example: “I tell myself that I can’t because I am afraid to make a mistake. Others might just think I’m an idiot and reject me.” This is the fear of others that imprisons us. In this example, my “I can’t” is really me being self-protective.

When I see my true motivation, I can start to do something to deal with the real reasoning and bring freedom to myself as I do.

So, what if I find out that I don’t want to do something because I’m just being lazy? Then you can ask yourself why and deal with what you find.

The goal is to strip away how we deceive ourselves so that we can live a true life that resembles Christ. Real. Honest. With ever increasing holiness.

To live with God and for God we must decide that we will do all that we can to be like Him. The unholy of the world competes in our hearts and minds with the holiness that we are called to. It IS a battle to live in the world already. We don’t need to join the enemy against ourselves by speaking untruths to ourselves.

If you ever hear me say that I can’t, challenge me to look for the truth underneath. I’ll challenge you. We can be in this together.

“I can because…” No more excuses.

You can support my writing, receive exclusive, in-depth content and even Free printed versions of this book when published, sent right to your door by becoming a member. Want to know more? Click here.